I am a Godly Woman and I've been married for 6 years to an amazing man! We have been together for 13 years and of course things change throughout the years. When I first met him and was in high school I was fascinated by pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. I thought I wanted to be a mother, but as I continued my research on the topic it turned me off. I heard more complaints from mother's, how their lives have changed, and it is a huge responsibility to be a mother.
Going into the marriage my feelings changed about having a baby so I told my husband and family that we would wait 2 years to start trying. Well that turned into 4 years and my time was up! So I felt obligated to start trying to convince, which lead to 2 traumatic miscarriages. After the second miscarriage I never truly recovered and became extremely sick so I took time for myself to heal. I focused on what I want and what God wants for me and now currently… I work at a non-profit children's ministry and I feel that I have a calling from God to go on international mission trips and that having kids is not in the picture for me. I can serve so many more people if I don't have kids and I will have the time and financial means to do so.
But my husband wants kids and we are not on the same page. After seeing me struggle with the miscarriages and health issues that almost took my life he is trying to be understanding, but I know he truly wants kids. He gets very defensive when I bring up the subject and he shuts down the conversation.
There are so many reasons that I don't want kids… but I am would try to be obedient if God’s will for me is to be a mother. The fact is I've had 2 miscarriages and 2 years of unprotected sex and it's not happening.
How do I cope with knowing I am crushing my husbands dreams? How do I be still in this unknowing of what my future holds? If I say NO to kids will my husband & I regret it in the future?