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Jul 20

Losing friends because of not having kids.

1 comment

Here lately I’ve been losing what friends I have because I don’t have kids. My husband had cancer (which the majority stopped being friends with me bc of that) and we won’t be able to conceive naturally. Which is fine. I will gladly adopt. But I can’t get over how my friends are now excluding me bc I don’t have kids. It really hurts. It’s not like we haven’t been trying. It also makes it worse now that my husband works out of town and I don’t really have anyone anymore. Sorry for it being so long. I just don’t have anyone to talk to about it that understands anyways.

Aug 1

People who haven't dealt with cancer (or haven't confronted their own mortality in some other way - e.g. another serious illness) rarely have any idea of how to interact with those of us who have. The silver lining is that it's a great way to weed out the people in your life you couldn't depend on. The ones who stayed and figured out how to support you, are the ones you want to keep. Don't waste any energy missing the others.

As for your friends excluding you because you don't have kids - it might be that they don't want to invite you to things (e.g. childrens' parties) that they think may be painful to you, because they know you've been trying to adopt. It's possible that they're trying to be sensitive, not understanding that you do want to be included in their kids' events. I found this article really helpful, and maybe you will too - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complete-without-kids/201408/three-survival-tips-staying-friends-new-parents

If they were good friends before they became parents, keep trying to get in touch with them. Let them know how you feel, and that you want to spend more time with them and their kids. Alternatively, find some new childfree friends, start some new hobbies/activities, or start planning some solo travel for yourself! If being in the cancer club (I'm right there with you, if I didn't make it clear before) teaches us anything, it's that life is short, and we have to do whatever we can to make it more enjoyable. Not to say that your sadness isn't real or valid - and by all means, vent away on this forum if that helps you! But I think there might be ways for you to get yourself to a place where you feel better. You are not alone in any part of this journey.

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