Hey ladies! I just stumbled upon this wonderful blog about childfree women and I wish I had found this site sooner! I'm 26 years old and of course that puts me RIGHT in the middle of the baby craze years among all my friends and acquaintances. I knew from a pretty young age (around 10 or 12 and maybe even younger) that tiny humans just weren't my thing. As a child myself I was the only girl in my elementary school class that wouldn't jump up to hold and gawk at a teacher's new born (you know, when they come and tote them around for everyone to see after a few weeks of being on Maternity leave). I would stay in my seat and groan along with the boys about a baby being in the room. The same thing still happens now that I am an adult with a job. Women come back into the office and ask if you want to hold their baby and I try to either hide at my desk, avoid making eye contact, or feign busyness if asked directly if I want to. Something about holding a baby just seems so stressful to me - they wiggle and squirm and I just get the mental image of me dropping them. I don't know if my wariness comes from never having had much interaction with children and infants (I never baby sat, or had younger siblings to care for as my brother and I grew up roughly around the same time or had other little cousins around) or what. Being a young adult in today's time where struggling for stability and building up finances just doesn't seem to go hand in hand with child-rearing and I cant help but fear that a child would ruin the easy-going relationship I have with my current boyfriend (as well as being protective of my youthful body and flexibility as far as my schedule goes and wanting to maintain a demanding career path).
Anywho, I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now and we are both out of college and moved away from home with careers of our own so of course my family is non-stop pestering me about when we are going to get married and eventually have children. Unfortunately I have no answers for them as my boyfriend and I have reached an impasse: to have kids or to not. He doesn't want them right now (hes 3 years younger than me and just graduated college and started his first adult job, so I understand why hes not ready now) but he feels that he would probably, eventually do want them. I on the other hand do not and have not ever really wanted them and my family is well aware of it. I think that they were hoping that my boyfriend's "family man" demeanor might sway me on the matter (and for a time I almost thought maybe it would too) but here I am STILL not really feelin' the whole thing. They aren't super supportive and have often dropped the "don't be selfish" comments or said things like "I just don't get why you cant get on board with it - its the natural progression of things." And being surrounded by that and seeing new "we're expecting" announcements from close friends and acquaintances all across social media almost monthly leaves me feeling overwhelmed, stressed, angry, and most times confused. I dont HATE kids, I know I'd be a great mother...I just genuinely don't feel that pull or need to have a child of my own. I think about how happy and complete I already feel (as most women also try to tell me that I wont be complete until I have kids of my own). I know I'm 26 and that that might still be young but I also think that I'm not a small child anymore and I do know what I want. If right now during prime baby-making years I don't feel this way - will it ever happen? And is it so wrong to never feel that way? Lately my female friends who also still feel too young to have kids but want them eventually say that I should just wait until my 30's - then I'll want them as everyone else will have them. But how true is that? Will I get FOMO if I chose to not have kids of my own? Will I regret not having them when I'm 55? How will I feel when all my friends are all tied up with their kids lives and have no time left for me?
I've been having these thoughts swirl around in my head for the last few years and I guess I'm just looking for some support in keeping my own faith that I am happy as I am and that I don't need to lean into the pressure to have kids just because everyone else is doing it or that I want to give in to my boyfriend to give him what he wants if its not something I truly want for my life path. How did you guys handle the pressure from society, family and friends? Were there some things you wish you'd done differently? How difficult is it to be a childfree adult when most of your friends and family have little ones of their own?
Sincerely, a very confused and worried 26 year old.