Before I begin I must clarify that I am in no way trying to wage war against our parenting counterparts. However, there is one frequent comment that I receive which makes me question their intentions as parents. When pestered with the question, "what if you change your mind in the future?" I often explain that if I change my mind about parenting I will still have the option to foster or adopt. Unfortunately this prompts the response, "but don't you want a child of your own?"
What does this question mean? Don't I want a child who shares my genetic makeup? Don't I want a child who looks like me? Moreover, what does this question imply? It seems like the asker is suggesting that I should pass on my genes, as if my genetic makeup is somehow superior to someone else's. Even worse, they seem to be implying that I won't be able to relate to a child unless it has my curly hair and almond shaped eyes. When someone asks me this question, they are inadvertently painting biological parents in a negative light: making them appear selfish and narcissistic. It causes me to question why a couple would go to certain lengths, like spending thousands of dollars on IVF to conceive, simply to say that they "made" that child.
And what about adoption? The comment, "don't you want to have a child of your own," implies that I should do so just because I physically can. It makes it seem like adoption is a last resort reserved only for those who have exhausted all other options. Although our society generally views adoption in a favorable way, many people make the assumption that those who adopt do so because they physically can't "have their own," and that an adopted child is somehow less of "your own".
Perhaps I am overthinking a benign comment, but it does seem narcissistic to want to have a child only if it shares your DNA. To be honest, most people are not that great looking, and possess average -- at best -- genetic qualities. So why make a big fuss about having "your own" child? My only conclusion is that it is narcissism that motivates a person's desire to pass down a set of arbitrary physical traits and subpar genetic background as if the fate of humanity depended on them to do so.