I'm new to this website and I feel so much better knowing that there are other women like me out there!! I actually cried this morning when I found the website, which made me realize that I feel really isolated due to my choice.
I am 33 and getting married in 2 weeks. I am extremely happy, I love my life but sometimes I get tired of having to explain myself, justify my choice, go along with people who say "you're young, you'll change your mind" or "you just have to find the right person".
I have never wanted children, this was clear to me and my family very early in life: when I was 6 I told everyone that there were too many children with no families on Earth, why have another? One could adopt.
Then I grew up and realized that I don't even want to adopt, and I don't want to have to take care of any kids: I don't want to be a godmother, I don't want to be a babysitter, I certainly don't want to meet a man who has kids from a previous relationship, nothing.
I have 2 nieces, love them and would love to spend more time with them, but they're old enough now (10 and 13). I find kids boring, I don't have the patience and I have no interest in them.
My first marriage ended in part because of that choice: I met my ex-husband when I was 22, was very clear that I didn't want kids. He was 25 so was quite happy about it. Then it all changed after he turned 30 and started putting pressure on me to change my mind. This constant pressure (in the last year we had that conversation almost every day) and other things meant the end of our marriage, but before that I almost caved. I thank the universe every day that I didn't. When I pictured our life with a kid, the same image kept coming back: me with 2 suitcases, leaving him with the child because I couldn't bear it anymore. Now I know that I made the right decision and I am so relieved.
People think I am mean because of my choice and because I am vocal about not adoring children, and it's been quite difficult sometimes because I am a loving and caring person, I just prefer the company of adults.
I live in Switzerland which is a quite conservative country: women got voting rights in the last region of the country in 1990! So I don't know any other woman who thinks like me, and it feels quite lonely sometimes. Some reactions are quite harsh too: the other day I was at work talking about kids with my colleague, and a lady I had never talked to before asked me "what did your parents do to you when you were a kid, for you to be that twisted? It's not normal to not want kids". I was speechless, still am.
I think I'm generally a very happy person, I work hard on improving myself (I was a very negative and judgmental person when I was a teenager, but now I think I'm completely different!), I am always there for my family and friends, so it hurts when people think I'm a bad person because of my choice. Do you have similar experiences?
I have my fur babies, my 2 cats Equinoxe and Sirius that I call my babies and my fiance calls "the kids". We would love to have a dog but we live in a small apartment so for the moment it's not possible, but maybe in the future when we have a garden! My fiance doesn't want kids either and since he is 41 I think he's not going to change his mind (it's not that he never thought about it, he also actively made that choice). I don't think not having kids means I have any less love to share. My fiance is from Oregon and some of the friends we have there also don't have/want kids, so I have a feeling that it's maybe more common there than it is here in Switzerland.
Apologies about the lengthy and messy post, if you're still here I would love to chat with you if you have some time !