I’m new to this forum and am already feeling a little better as I read, but will admit that I have been seeking something because of the overwhelming amount of anxiety, anger, and confusion I feel.
I am 26 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for quite some time now. I love him dearly and truly believe he could be the one. He is honestly the most generous, humble, and kind person I’ve ever met. However, we’ve started talking about the idea of our future and what it may hold (I.e. marriage, wedding plans, and you guessed it..kids).
Ever since I was young I have had no desire to be a mother for many of the same reasons I’ve read on this page. The idea of childbirth makes me physically nauseuous. The reality of no sleep, time, or money due to kids also makes me resentful. Not a way to go into motherhood that’s for sure. My mother was always resentful of my father for putting her in a stereotypical housewife role, a feeling that was also passed down to her by her mother, which I believe has a lot to do with my feelings towards feminism and wanting to be childfree.
The third date I was ever on with my boyfriend we were in a crowded restaurant with a child that was acting as a typical one year old; crying, screaming, tantrums, etc. I explained to my boyfriend in that moment everything I feel towards kids and motherhood. Although he felt differently, he said it wasn’t a deal breaker. Fast forward to now, and he seemingly identifies my feelings as a character flaw. I’ve told him many times how I feel, but sometimes leave it open-ended as “maybe I will change as I get older and my life is more put together.“ Which IS a possibility. But what if it doesn’t change?
I guess to sum it up, I’m feeling the pressure to have this figured out RIGHT NOW when I just can’t. Is that normal? Am I wasting my boyfriends time if my feelings don’t change? Is it irresponsible to get married while we are at this stage/not agreeing/what if I agree in the future? Ugh. I know there’s probably no answers, but some possible support, guidance, or just shared confusion would do wonders.