Okay, so let me just start by saying YES, I am "only" 19. I put the word only in quotations because it is a word often used by people to make me feel as though I am too young to make future-decisions for myself. Such an ironic word to use on a 19 year-old considering everyone wants me to plan out my future to 10 years from now.
I have known since I was VERY young that I did not want children. I never have. My maternal instinct is often directed towards animals and always has been. Children on the other hand? I can't stand them. Hanging out with one for longer than 30 mins to an hour just exhausts me to the point of legitimate anger.
The next part is just a little bit of backstory to give you an idea of the situation, if you just want to skip for the "help" part, look for the line of *'s.
My boyfriend of 3 years, whom of which I plan to marry, wanted children for a very long time. He grew up in a happy home, his family never struggled financially, his parents have been married 20+ years, and he's never had to deal with a broken home. Family was in his future and kids were, of course, part of the plan.
I grew up with divorced parents, my mother's abusive boyfriends (who also abused me), and we struggled. It was often that we had to worry about food, a roof over our heads, and being able to afford school lunches.
I've known since I was 13 that I wanted to marry my boyfriend. I could write an essay on my love for him, but this isn't the place for that. My point is, knowing that I wanted to marry him meant having the "future us" questions. What kind of house do you want? Do you want kids? How many? What are your goals?
When I found out he wanted kids, we talked about our parenting views. His are drastically different from mine. After many months of conversation and stress on my part, I broke down and told him that he's the only reason I've even tried considering to have kids. To make him happy. He told me something after that that changed everything for me.
"Sage, you know you don't need to have a kid for me right?" I looked at him confused as this was something he had never told me before. "I love the idea of having kids, but it's not fair to make you have a kid and take that toll on your body just to make me happy. If you don't ever want to have kids, I won't see you as any less of a woman, any less of a wife, and I will not love you any less than I do now. Having kids does not change how much I care for you and it will not change how I feel about you."
I cried for a solid 30 minutes. So much stress was taken off of my shoulders.
So, here's my problem now... **************
His mother desperately wants children. She has two sons. One is 26, the other 19. The 26 year old hasn't even tried to make an effort to be in any relationship so his mother has given up on him about having kids (even though he has YEARS to have a kid but whatever), so the pressure has fallen on me and my boyfriend. Much of his family and mine look at us to continuing the family line, but both my boyfriend and I have agreed that we're not having kids.
I need advice for talking to the family about this. We go to a lot of family dinners and the "kid questions" comes up a lot. How do I deal with them? What do they say when they ask us about kids and what our plans are? I know I need to be honest and I always tell them we don't want kids, but they tend to push and say "Oh you're too young to know." How do I tell them that I've ALWAYS known? Ugh.. I don't even know how to express the frustration I feel just reliving those questions.