I just found this forum today, and am so encouraged. I grew up and live in a small, Southern town. Here, you grow up, get married, have babies. I literally had to move out of my parents house just to go to college at 22. That is when I met my husband and we got married and I had the general assumption that one day I would want a few kids. But the longer we are married (coming up on four years and my 28th birthday) the more solid I am in my decision that I do not want kids. I found a job in finance that I love and can progress in, I am active in my community and have other interests-such as travel-that keep me happy.
But my husband is not on the same page. He wants kids, and will always want kids. He can't see what a future without kids looks like. He grew up relatively spoiled and admits to just taking the path that is directly in front of him. When I asked him about setting goals for his career or travel, etc. he just didn't know what to talk about. I was the opposite. After being adopted at 5, my parents were both perfectionists, and my dad is a LT. Col in the Air Force. I was raised to work very hard, set goals for everything I do and once I achieve a goal, set a new one.
My goals just don't include children. But I feel extremely isolated in this opinion. I have not met a single woman that simply doesn't want children. If you don't have kids around here, chances are, you biologically cannot. And the few times I have said I don't want children it is frowned upon, and "selfish". "How could a career and traveling the world take precedent over a human life?"
I guess my worry is, when my husband says he can "adjust" to not having kids, is that realistic? I still feel like he is unable to picture a future without kids. I feel like I have robbed him of a major life experience. I know he would make a great dad, but I can't have kids just to make him happy. But on the reverse, am I going to feel guilty the rest of my life for not giving him what I know he wants?
I don't know anyone that has made it work after deciding not to have kids with the spouse not on the same page because everyone around me is baby crazy.